Self-Portrait Rules

The number one rule in self-portraits is this: unless you are a female with skin like that of a 6 month-old baby, and have a lean mean machine of a body, and the facial structure of a Greek Goddess, you're probably going to be disappointed. That's not to say you won't be able to take a decent shot of yourself, but the reality of a 10 plus megapixel capture on a computer monitor is that anything less than baby smooth skin, lean mean bod, and Greek Goddess looks will have you reduced to tears before you've even begun to attempt using the healing brush and cloning tool in Photoshop. In my case, because I didn't have a model and wanted to try out some new lighting set-ups today, the use of myself behind and in front the camera showed me that there aren't enough tools in the entire Photoshop suite to turn a sow's ear into anything other than another sow's ear. Ain't no silk purse coming out of my face. I do, however, have some pointers for those of you possibly suffering from a similar genetic train wreck.


First, it helps to wear a hat of some kind. In my case, it covers acres of bare skin running from my eyebrows to my back that have marks and blemishes that appear to need immediate medical attention. Dirty baseball caps are good...they tend to give one a friendly and personable look. Note: the cap should be worn in the traditional manner with the bill in the front. Wearing it to cocked the side like someone just slapped you doesn't project the friendly and personable look you need. Trust me on that.



Second, a funky, stylish, or classy hat in place of a baseball cap could work. Not necessarily to make you look like any of the above, but more to give you an air of je ne sais quoi. (French for "Check out this cool hat!") A black and white conversion here can also work wonders, softening the skin somewhat, and that red, splotchy complexion literally disappears.

If, like me, hats don't even begin to mask an essential failure of nature to be the least bit kind to you, and frown lines and wrinkles on your face look more like furrows in a farmers field just before the fall planting, a hood is a good choice. This pretty much gets you out of the friendly and personable arena, so evil, deranged, and border-line psychotic is the look you're going for here. This also has a tendency to look-although it might be a stretch-artistic.

Artistic is good. Artistic could make some people think you're celebrating and acknowledging your faults...embracing them, magnifying them in a courageous way that they wish they could do instead of having all their portraits air brushed to perfection. Which you'll probably seriously consider in the future after a self-portrait session, because there aren't nearly enough of those kind of people in the world.